{"id":173167,"date":"2023-07-12T00:01:14","date_gmt":"2023-07-12T04:01:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/setonshrine.org\/?p=173167"},"modified":"2024-10-02T09:02:33","modified_gmt":"2024-10-02T13:02:33","slug":"martins-and-setons-show-how-marriage-sanctifies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/setonshrine.org\/es\/martins-and-setons-show-how-marriage-sanctifies\/","title":{"rendered":"Way of Sweetness, Way of Sorrow: Martins and Setons Show How Marriage Sanctifies"},"content":{"rendered":"

We publish this reflection about Sts. Z\u00e9lie and Louis Martin \u2014 the parents of St. Th\u00e9r\u00e8se of Lisieux \u2014 today, the day after their daughter\u2019s feast day. The Martin\u2019s feast day is July 12.<\/em><\/p>\n

The parallels are both surprising and deeply meaningful.<\/p>\n

Both Sts. Z\u00e9lie and Louis Martin, and St. Elizabeth Ann Seton and her husband William, were devoted spouses until death ended their marriages but transformed their families, producing popular saints.<\/p>\n

The similarities of their stories show what God intends with the sacrament of marriage.<\/p>\n

The Martins wanted the consecrated life, but found Holy Matrimony.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Louis Martin and Az\u00e9lie-Marie (Z\u00e9lie) Guerin were devoted to their faith, and they each pursued what for centuries was assumed to be the path for those intent on a life of holiness. He tried to be a monk, but was turned away because he couldn\u2019t learn Latin. She attempted to enter a convent but poor health stopped her.<\/p>\n

When they met in April, 1858, he was a 34-year-old watchmaker. She was 26 and a lacemaker. They were married three months later, exchanging vows at midnight, July 12-13, 1858. Their entire courtship and marriage happened within the time Our Lady of Lourdes was appearing to St. Bernadette \u2014 a graced time in France.<\/p>\n

They began their marriage unconventionally, with 10 months of celibacy because the two had decided to have a virginal marriage. That changed when a confessor intervened\u2014as the Church nearly always does in such cases\u2014by telling the couple to consummate their marriage physically, and live a life of normal marital relations. Thus, the Church\u2019s teaching that sexual relations in marriage are planned and blessed by God was spotlighted in their first year of marriage.<\/p>\n

Their plan hadn\u2019t come from a lack of passion. Z\u00e9lie once wrote to her husband that as \u201cYour wife who loves you more than her life, I kiss you like I love you.\u201d She also said, \u201cI love children madly. I was born to have them.\u201d<\/p>\n

In both the case of St. Z\u00e9lie and St. Elizabeth Ann, we know about the marriage almost entirely from the wife\u2019s point of view, since both women were prodigious letter-writers.<\/p>\n

Elizabeth Ann Seton wrote in a love letter early in her marriage, \u201cAh my dearest husband, how useless was your charge that I should \u2018think of you.\u2019 I never cease to do for one moment and my watery eyes bear witness of the effect those thoughts have every time you are mentioned.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cleary both couples intensely experienced the sweetness of marriage. Then came its sorrow.<\/strong><\/p>\n

In the first 15 years of their marriage, the Martins had seven girls and two boy. But between 1867 and 1870, Z\u00e9lie lost four children: a 5-year-old girl, two infant boys and an infant girl.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe lived only for them. They were all our happiness and we never found any except in them,\u201d Z\u00e9lie wrote. Losing them was a hard blow \u2014 especially given the circumstances. One report says the couple lost four children \u201cdue to childhood illnesses and the negligence of wet-nurses, since Z\u00e9lie was not able to breastfeed her children.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I closed the eyes of my dear little children and buried them, I felt sorrow through and through,\u201d Z\u00e9lie remembered.<\/p>\n

When another baby, their last, came, Z\u00e9lie expected the worst. \u201cI have no hope of saving her. The poor little thing suffers horribly,\u201d she wrote. \u201cIt breaks your heart to see her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course, baby Th\u00e9r\u00e8se did survive, and soon became the darling of the family, a child \u201cfull of life,\u201d and \u201csheer joy to everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n

St. Elizabeth Seton also experienced the sorrow with the sweetness. Once when her oldest, Annina, was sick, and her husband\u2019s struggle with illness was beginning, she wrote to a friend: \u201cThe longer I live and more I reflect and know how to value the realities of friendship, the more precious that distinction becomes, and I look forward to the dear hope that my sweet child will also enjoy it.\u201d<\/p>\n

But sadness was already changing her. \u201c[My] heart grows every day more tender and softened, which in great measure I attribute to the state of my William\u2019s health, that health on which my every hope of happiness depends,\u201d she wrote.<\/p>\n

The Martins, and the Setons, never conformed entirely to the husband and wife stereotypes we imagine for their time.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Not only did the five Martin girls have a working mother, but when Louis Martin realized his income paled in comparison to his wife\u2019s, he sold his shop and became her business partner. Thus, in the first spouses canonized as a married couple, the woman was the primary breadwinner.<\/p>\n

In the same way, as the Setons suffered financial blows during William\u2019s illness, Elizabeth took over bookkeeping duties in his importing business.<\/p>\n

Through it all, both families\u2019 lives were affectionate, fun and positive as well as pious. The Martins went to Mass daily, and the whole family was devoted to the Holy Family. Even in her youngest years, Th\u00e9r\u00e8se kept the family delighted by her offbeat take on holiness.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe baby is an absolute imp,\u201d wrote Z\u00e9lie. \u201cShe comes to caress me while wishing me dead, \u2018Oh! How I wish you would die, my poor little Mother!\u2019 We scold her and she says, \u2018But it\u2019s so you\u2019ll go to heaven, since you say that we have to die to go there.\u2019 She wishes for the death of her father, as well, when she\u2019s in the middle of her outpourings for love for him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both families also learned the hard way that real holiness comes at a high cost.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Martins had financial, emotional, and disciplinary crosses to carry. Their \u201cproblem child\u201d was their third-born, Leonie. She was so disruptive at school, she was asked to leave. At home, she would not pray with the family unless she had no way out of it.<\/p>\n

Then, the tragedy that would transform the family came: Z\u00e9lie had breast cancer.<\/p>\n

\u201cI could not help from telling my family everything,\u201d Z\u00e9lie wrote of her dire diagnosis. \u201cI regret it now because there was a grief-filled scene … everyone was crying. Poor L\u00e9onie was sobbing. But I named so many people who\u2019d lived 10 or 15 years like this, and I didn\u2019t seem very upset, doing my work cheerfully as always, perhaps more so. That calmed everyone down.\u201d<\/p>\n

Louis took the news especially hard. \u201cMy husband is inconsolable,\u201d she wrote. \u201cHe\u2019s given up the pleasure of fishing and put his lines up in the attic.\u201d<\/p>\n

The marriage came full circle as Louis took his ill wife to Lourdes, where the apparitions were now very well known, but despite several dips in the baths she saw no improvement.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf all it takes is the sacrifice of my life for L\u00e9onie to become a saint, I\u2019d do it gladly,\u201d wrote Z\u00e9lie. After Z\u00e9lie\u2019s death at age 45, Leonie entered the convent and her cause was introduced shortly before the Martins were canonized.<\/p>\n

Of course, Elizabeth Ann Seton\u2019s path to holiness was transformed in the same way: As her husband suffered the illness that would end his life, she took him to Italy searching for healing. He died there, but she found the Catholic faith.<\/p>\n

One phrase from Z\u00e9lie sums up the married vocation.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cIt is necessary that the heroic becomes daily and that the daily becomes heroic,\u201d Z\u00e9lie said. That\u2019s what her illness taught her.<\/p>\n

Couples are drawn to marriage for the sweetness it promises. But they are drawn to rely on God because of the sorrow it delivers. In canonizing the Martins, the Church is telling us that both are the point of marriage: The sweetness of the cross and the sorrow of love.<\/p>\n

St. Elizabeth Ann described how that worked in her life as a widow: \u201cMy poor high heart was in the clouds roving after my William\u2019s soul and repeating, \u2018My God, you are my God, and so I am now alone in the world with You and my little ones, but You are my Father, and doubly theirs.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

TOM HOOPES<\/strong>,\u00a0author most recently of\u00a0<\/em>The Rosary of Saint John Paul II<\/em><\/a>,\u00a0is writer in residence at Benedictine College in Kansas, where he teaches. A former reporter in the Washington, D.C., area, he served as press secretary for the U.S. House Ways & Means Committee Chairman and spent 10 years as editor of\u00a0the National Catholic Register newspaper and\u00a0Faith & Family\u00a0magazine. His work frequently appears in the\u00a0Register,\u00a0Aleteia, and\u00a0Catholic Digest. He lives in Atchison, Kansas, with his wife, April, and has nine children.<\/em><\/p>\n

Image: Public Domain<\/em><\/p>\n

Click here<\/a> to view all Seton Reflections.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sts. Z\u00e9lie and Louis Martin, and Elizabeth Ann Seton, were drawn to marriage for the sweetness it promises. But they learned to rely on God because of its sorrows. Both are the point of marriage: The sweetness of the cross and the sorrow of love.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":116,"featured_media":173249,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"mc4wp_mailchimp_campaign":[],"footnotes":"","_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1187],"tags":[3666,3653,4122,4318],"class_list":["post-173167","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-seton-reflections","tag-mother-seton","tag-saint-elizabeth-ann-seton","tag-st-therese-of-lisieux","tag-sts-zelie-and-louis-martin"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWay of Sweetness, Way of Sorrow: Martins and Setons Show How Marriage Sanctifies - Seton Shrine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Both Sts. 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